Sunday, July 30, 2006


I am just so sad and angry and depressed - all rolled into one.
Israel have said many times that they are using pinpoint precision attacks in Lebanon,so that means that they know exactly what they are attacking right? So they mean to target civillians and children? Today they massacred over 50 children and women, lots of the children were disabled. Evil bastards.

Thursday, July 27, 2006

Day 15

Not a lot to add now- days just seem to be rolling into one,I have just spoken to my sister in law Leila and her children. They say that there are a lot of bombs today and they are getting closer. They are sleeping in the lowest part of the house, a tool shed. It's such a good job that they grow a lot of food in their gardens, also when something is in season,they harvest it and dry it so they always have plenty of food in their larders.

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Day 14

Today when we rang my brother in law told us that his family (in our block of apartments) and my sister in law (in a separate house just up the road) are the only ones who are remaining in that part of the town. Everyone else has fled to different parts of the country.That scares me so much.

I understand their resolve to stay put though. They have both worked so hard for their homes and who should dictate that they become refugees in their own country?
Also,when people fleeing their homes are targetted and fired at who can really blame them?
He said that if it becomes that bad and they have no option to move then they will,but for the time being they are staying put.

Monday, July 24, 2006


As we are managing to speak to someone from the family daily we are noticing as each day passes how tired they are sounding. It's day 13 of the war now and they haven't had more than a few hours sleep at a time either day or night since it started. They are also starting to feel so hemmed in, they can't leave the house apart from early in themorning when they sometimes manage to find a local shop open.

I think it is also harder to endure this time as they have had a good few years of relative peace, and the country was coming on really well and getting back to the cosmopolitan country it once was. You see,the last time when Israel invaded Lebanon in 1982 the country was already engaged in civil war, so it was just a bit more shit to endure. A lot of young people didn't really know any difference but now they have had peace and this continual bombing of anywhere and anyone is soul destroying as well as life destroying.

Sunday, July 23, 2006

Thank you

to everyone who has emailed me ,or left comments here or pm'd me on UKS or the Pad, it means a lot even if I don't reply please know that I have read it.

I watched some Arabic news last night,they show much more than they do here.They were showing you the bodies of the killed civillians and it was heart breaking.These people they are killing are not men you know,themajority are women and most of all children. The cameras then went around Nabatieh and showed the damage there, it was so hard to believe that the places I walked around and shopped at just last year were now just piles of rubble.

I want tomake a little point about the post I made yesterday about what I read on 2Peas. I do not hate Americans you know-some of my best friends are American!! (if only I could say they were gay and black too,then we could be finished with all the stereotypes in one go!!).What got to me was that the posts I read on 2Peas were,I don't know how to explain it! I read one about how this poster had read some information on the casualties of this war (can't remember the figures at that time but you know that there are far more Lebanese civillians being killed to Israelies), well this woman was posting just to say basically that she didn't believe it and where could she find "real" figures!!!! It beggars belief really,doesn't it? She can see the figures but because it doesn't look good they can't be real and she wants to change them!

Then if a fellow US poster on 2Peas dares to disagree with the popular consensus they are told to leave the country!! I have read posts that say if a US citizen has made it to Lebanon then they can find their own way back too!! I don't know,it doesn't fill me with much hope for the future if people think this way now.

Today is the day we should have been travelling to Lebanon.

Saturday, July 22, 2006

Stick to scrapbooking

During this conflict I am trying so hard to keepmy political view off this blog as it would only end up a big mess,I know it would.
However, I couldn't resist posting a link to a thread on a US scrapbooking site known as 2Peas
Pease tell me that not all americans are so blinkered?please?
Do a quick search on the NSBR message board for Lebanon, fun reading!
Oh and if anyone is reading this and can make me a "I support Lebanon" blinkie I'd love one.

Got thinking

yesterday about last years trip to Lebanon. Because of the shop (one of the reasons I'm closing it- took me away from my family too much) I couldn't go for the full 5 weeks. So Nasser and the kids went and I followed then 2 weeks later.
I missed them so much and it was lovely when we were reunited,we then went on to have a lovely holiday.But what if, what has happenned this year happenned last year when I was still here? That's what I started thinking about last night when I couldn't sleep!

Nasser spoke to his mum this morning,they are so tired, Nabatieh has been bombed a few times.

Did you know that there have been 350 Lebanese civillians killed so far? One third of them are children. Are these the terrorists which Israel say they are targetting?

The above photo shows a row of coffins, 80 people killed in the war in Tyre- Tyre was a lovely seaside resort,we have visited it many times in the past for a paddle in the sea and an ice cream in the roadside cafes. It has now been reduced to rubble. The dead people would under normal circumstances be taken to their homes and buried in cemetries close to them but as these are not normal circumstances and Lebanon is hotter than it is here at the moment they are having to bury them in a mass grave.

Friday, July 21, 2006

Just rung

Lebanon and spoken to my mum in law and sister in law, it's the first time I have rung by myself as my Arabic isn't that good! We managed though,I just needed to hear their voices. Couldn't stop crying though,felt a right twit! My mum in law told me off!!
They have food and water, thank God.They do go into the garden (we have a gorgeous garden there) sometimes,but have to run back in when a plane comes over dropping bombs.
A lot of the places we enjoyed visiting last year such as a childrens fair ground, a ladies swimming pool and various restaurants have been flattened,gone -just like that.
Hala sounded so tired,completely exhausted.
I am feeling so guilty that I can nip into town if I want to or have a choice of anything to eat.
How much longer must this go on?

The worlds gone mad

I have been wanting to say something along these lines for a few days but have stopped myself and tried to ignore it but hey,if I can't say how I feel on my own blog, where can I.
I do not want to upset anyone and it isn't aimed at anyone in particular either.
You may be aware that as a family we are going through a lot of worry and anguish at the moment,I myself,am finding it very hard to cope with everyday life as I feel very isolated as the problems we are facing are quite unique to us. So I had hoped to visit my various online haunts as a bit of light relief but it seems that wherever I go it is a war zone! I don't know if its the heat but there seems to be threads having a go at people wherever I visit. I am aware that life goes on and my problems are exactly that - my problems but I feel like saying FFS it's only paper, it's not life or death.

Thursday, July 20, 2006

There but for the grace of God

It has just hit me today how close we actually were to being thick in the middle of all the fighting.
I have just seen a press release on Sky News advising all British Nationals stuck in Southern Lebanon to stay put, to not leave the house as it is not safe. But to be ready to travel at short notice.
That would havebeen us if the war had happenned 10 days later than it did.
We would have been in Nabatieh,in the South, right where they are killing civillians right now.
I have no idea how they will get to people,as they will be in all different parts and houses.
It hit me yesterday that I might be depressed, just realised that I probably have the symptoms, I can't be bothered to do anything, don't want to eat, am just doing what I have to to get by. But that's nothing to what our family are going through, nothing at all. I don't have a right to be depressed.

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

getting closer

We have just spoken to our family in Nabatieh and the Israelis have bombed another house very close to us, I know the area the building is in,they have killed amother and her 3 young children. That's what they are doing now, targetting families and just killing them.

My mother in law had had to leave her house and she is staying in our building now. But our family has nowhere to go,that's it,they just have to wait and see who is next.

no electricity

now in our home town which just makes everything harder for everyone.
People are confined to their houses now, they don't go out. Jamil is still stuck in Beirut.
Hope they don't run out of food as Israel have been targetting the food distribution places and milk factories etc.

As for us here,we are still existing,still watching the news, still worrying

Monday, July 17, 2006

it just gets worse everyday

I've just spoken to my sister in law Hala on the phone. That made me feel better as we managed to have a bit of a giggle as well as tears. They can't leave the house so she is missing her daily walks around the mountains as part of her fitness routine but she said that at least the diet is working as she can't eat and sleep!

She had to bring her washing in and rewash it as it was black from the bomb smoke. A bomb landed at a nearby village, far too close for comfort.

As for us here watching it play out on TV we just feel useless, can't eat much and certainly concentrate on anything.

Ali went to France in the early hours of this morning with school, hope he has a lovely time.

Saturday, July 15, 2006


That's how we are feeling right now. Probably not the best thing to do but we spent most of yesterday constantly watching the news as the war was played out in front of us.
The first 2 times I visited Lebanon about 10 years ago now,Israel was still occupying the south and you could hear bombs and gunfire and it turned me into a nervous wreck, but that was nothing to what we would be able to hear now if we could get there.
People can not move from the towns and villages as about 35 bridges have been destroyed for that very purpose. My lovely nephew Jamil who was working in Beirut at the time war broke out is now stuck there and can't travel back to his family in Nabatieh (Nabatieh is where our flat is,you will probably hear it mentioned on the news quite a bit as we are not that far from the border). I can just picture his Mum,my Sister in law- Hala going mad,she won't be able to settle at all until Jamil is back with her. I am really going to miss Halathis year,we always have such a laugh together.
We booked our tickets to Lebanon in January and have been getting things ready and looking forward to it since then and then overnight we suddenly can't go,you feel so frustrated that that decision has been taken away from you. Nasser is still determned to go though and if the airport does reopen then I'm sure he will book a ticket and go.
We can't get through on the telephone today so maybe the telephone wires have been hit,I know we have no electricity to our flat now,as the supply has been attacked.
We have been through this before though and the Lebanese people are very resilient and we will rebuild and we will get there.

Friday, July 14, 2006

no holiday for us this year

We have cancelled the tickets to Lebanon,it's not safe to be there and the airport still isn't open

Thursday, July 13, 2006

not again

Fighting in Lebanon again, the airport has been bombed, our town has been bombed, we are due to fly out there in 10 days and I'm scared